"Needs Improvement"

I had a good conversation, albeit a short one, with a coworker recently about writing and inspiration, and I found that all of the advice I was giving him were things that I needed to remember to do.

I told him to write daily, to set up a schedule if he could and to stick to it. I told him that when he sits down to write, to just write, and to not go back and edit. I told him to get the entire manuscript down on paper before he actually begins to fix errors or inconsistencies. And as I was saying all of this, I just felt like a big hypocrite.

I am a writer. Right? Aren't I? What have I written recently? Anything? Other than a few passages in my roleplaying book, I really haven't written much in the last week or so. What right do I have to call myself a writer, if I don't write? And on what grounds should I be giving advice when I don't do it myself? "Trust me, this works. But I don't do it."

Sometimes my own complacency staggers me. I understand, more than most, the importance of enjoying every day, of finding happiness in the little things. I know that if I constantly focus on things about myself that make me unhappy, like my complacency, then I won't ever be happy. But at the same time, I know that there are a lot of things about me, as a person, that I need to correct. Like my complacency.

I've been focusing so much on my optimism, on my friendliness, and most importantly, on being not only open to new experiences, but being an instigator of new experiences in others, that I fear I've lost track of other things that I need to keep tabs on. I am a work in progress, with a big, fat "Needs Improvement" stamp on my forehead. That's not me being cynical, that's not me being self-defeating, and that's not me throwing a pity-party. It's a fact, and I hope to God that I never feel otherwise. The minute I stop trying to better myself, then I've already lost.