Three Little Monologues

For my Acting class on Monday, I have to have a monologue picked out and ready to perform a first draft on. I've narrowed it down from nine possible monologues to three, though I'm having trouble deciding on one, so I figured I'd post on here and get some feedback from you all.

This first monologue is from the play The House on Lake Desolation, and is probably my favorite of the three, although it runs a full three and a half minutes longer than what we were supposed to go with.

This second monologue is from the play Before it Hits Home, and is perfect on timing. It's tied for second in my personal preference.

This third and final monologue is from the play Slavs!, and is a lot of fun to perform. It's slightly longer than the time limit, and is tied for second in my personal preference.

So watch what you'd like, let me know if you have a preference! I'm reading the script for each of these during the recordings, so this isn't me at my best performance.

Funding My Future

As I near the completion of the Round 10 Core Rulebook (which is more or less on schedule, thankfully), I start to turn my eyes to the Zimildran Setting Module, the second Round 10 product that will be produced. I can't help but think back to when I thought Kickstarter would be a good idea to get this project off the ground. Countless other independent RPGs have been funded through Kickstarter, why not Round 10?

My goals were ambitious with the first Kickstarter project. $4,000 as the goal, it would go towards funding the Core Rulebook and the Zimildran Module as one singular book, and it came quite close to its goal. Only about $500 away or so. Since it was close but not complete, I decided to try again, this time with a slightly higher goal (partly because I wanted to get more artwork, but also partly because I'm an idiot) and put it up for another month.

This second time was abysmal compared to the first, and so I stepped away from Kickstarter and decided to fund it all personally. It slowed production time down considerably, but it also gave me the extra time I needed to really dig into the rules and what the Core book offered, and expand upon that.

As I start to think about the second book, Zimildran, I begin to consider going the route of Kickstarter again. Images of the Kickstarter Project Page with a name like "Zimildran: A Low-Fantasy Setting from Round 10 Role-Playing" pop into my head, and I get excited. I think about possible rewards I could set up for potential backers, such as prints of the original artwork, artwork posters, free role-playing books, and maybe even offering to run a game for their gaming group via Skype. There are a lot of options, and I feel it may be worth exploring again, once the Round 10 Core RPG is finished.

I just can't get ahead of myself, and should probably post a more realistic goal. If that works, then perhaps I'll look at a more professional, fully illustrated Deluxe Edition in the future, or something, a production more akin to what I would like to see. If my Kickstarter experience has taught me anything, it's "start small".

Fleshing out Zimildran

I've been toying around with a lot of creative ideas around the Zimildran Module for my roleplaying game (see my Current Creative Projects page for more information). Even though I should be devoting most of my time to the Round 10 Core Rulebook, I can't help but think about the excitement the world of Zimildran gives me, and I know I have big plans for that book, when I get around to actually finishing it.

One thing I know I want to do is to flesh out the world of Zimildran more than simply what is presented as the roleplaying game. My original plan was to release a series of short stories for digital download, all based around characters in the Zimildran universe. Follow the gunslinger and bounty hunter Erik as he hunts down dangerous carnivorous dinosaurs in the wilds of Ukinda. Learn about the backstory of the Snowmarcher Hrothgar, and how he became an exile of his people. Uncover the mysteries of the druid-like Wardens, and find out what part they play in keeping the Elder Gods at bay.

All of these ideas and more flood to me, yet at the same time I feel like piecemeal fiction, while great, isn't entirely scratching the itch I have for bringing this world to life, and so another idea came to mind.

Rather than releasing something alongside, or just prior to, the Zimildran Module, why not create something original and insert it into the Module itself? Suddenly, ideas for a short comic book, an illustrated story that would grace the first few pages of the Module, complete with beautiful art and a compelling, if short, story, sprang into my head. I love this, although this would mean delaying the Module even further while I save up the money to pay an artist for the additional pieces.

Decisions, decisions. I should really just focus on tightening up and finishing the Core Rulebook, since without that there is no Zimildran Module. But God knows I can't keep my inspirations quiet all the time.

Speech Finished

Finally!

After two delays from the instructor missing class (surprising, right?) and one from a scheduling misstep, my demonstrative speech on how to effectively participate in a tabletop RPG is finished.

I realize now that I went into a bit of a trance during the course of the speech, and in retrospect I don't remember much of what I did or how I did it. I remember getting in front of the class, I remember my introduction, and I remember that I hit the conclusion faster than I expected. In truth, the speech clocked in at a bit over 9 minutes, which is three to four minutes faster than when I timed it at home. A good thing to keep in mind for future speeches.

And so my first of three speeches is out of the way, and already I have to start preparing speech two, which will be delivered in two weeks. Keeping with my tabletop RPG themes, this time I will be delivering a speech on running a game, what to keep in mind, and how to manage a group of players. Now with no visual aids, so we'll see how well that goes.

I'm excited, to say the least. On the one hand I'm glad this speech is done, but I still feel like I have so much to say. It's a good thing I've got two more speeches to go. My desire to talk about tabletop RPGs is overflowing, as anyone who knows me personally can agree. And hopefully these three speeches will be the combined points of interest to push some of these students to give tabletop RPGs a chance. Hopefully.

"Needs Improvement"

I had a good conversation, albeit a short one, with a coworker recently about writing and inspiration, and I found that all of the advice I was giving him were things that I needed to remember to do.

I told him to write daily, to set up a schedule if he could and to stick to it. I told him that when he sits down to write, to just write, and to not go back and edit. I told him to get the entire manuscript down on paper before he actually begins to fix errors or inconsistencies. And as I was saying all of this, I just felt like a big hypocrite.

I am a writer. Right? Aren't I? What have I written recently? Anything? Other than a few passages in my roleplaying book, I really haven't written much in the last week or so. What right do I have to call myself a writer, if I don't write? And on what grounds should I be giving advice when I don't do it myself? "Trust me, this works. But I don't do it."

Sometimes my own complacency staggers me. I understand, more than most, the importance of enjoying every day, of finding happiness in the little things. I know that if I constantly focus on things about myself that make me unhappy, like my complacency, then I won't ever be happy. But at the same time, I know that there are a lot of things about me, as a person, that I need to correct. Like my complacency.

I've been focusing so much on my optimism, on my friendliness, and most importantly, on being not only open to new experiences, but being an instigator of new experiences in others, that I fear I've lost track of other things that I need to keep tabs on. I am a work in progress, with a big, fat "Needs Improvement" stamp on my forehead. That's not me being cynical, that's not me being self-defeating, and that's not me throwing a pity-party. It's a fact, and I hope to God that I never feel otherwise. The minute I stop trying to better myself, then I've already lost.

College & Graduation

This last week has been quite a boring one for me. After the excitement of the road trip with my gaming group, and the 3:00am Dance Central party on Saturday, my activity has dropped considerably. I wake up, I go to class, I have some fun with friends at CLC, I go to work and play catch-up on my list of tasks, then I go home and either play Starcraft II or watch YouTube videos until I drift off to sleep, only to start it all over again the next day.

I suppose it's to be expected. I mean, after such an engaging weekend I should be okay with allowing myself some downtime. But at the same time, I'd rather have the excitement of the weekend carry over into my daily routines, rather than drop off completely. And then this morning I was sort of slapped in the face with a realization.

It's March. Graduation is coming up, and I have things I need to do.

In order for me to get my AA at the end of this semester, I need to have my AP transcript submitted to the college. Since the last time I took an AP test was in 2006, my transcript has gone into what the AP board calls the "Archives". Basically, for me to get those credits to the college, I need to jump through extra hoops and spend a little extra money in order for the people at CLC to go "Oh, yes you have taken all those classes."

Once that is all done, I will be all set for my AA (finally) and can start looking at my teaching degree a bit more closely.

So this morning saw a bit of a fire lit under my butt, thanks in part to my roommate and in part to a friend from my Acting class who was asking me about my plans after this semester. I printed the AP transcript release form, filled it out, and now just have to fax it and a check to the AP Board and wait for them to fax the transcript back to the college. I'm cutting it close, but that's sort of my style.

It's both exciting and frightening, being this close to my AA, on the cusp of uncharted territory (for me). The thoughts of what is happening after plague me, now. Thoughts like worrying about costs of going to an actual college, about being able to manage online classes, about if teaching is really the career I should be pursuing, and about how seriously I should be pushing forward with my book at the same time. Yet, despite all of my worrying, and despite all of my anxiety, I need to keep this momentum going. I know that once my momentum drops, it's hard to get up again, and I can't afford to put my future off any longer.

Role-Playing Speech

On Monday, March 18th, at approximately 9:00am, I am giving a demonstrative speech in front of my Public Speaking class. Am I nervous? A bit, but I have my confidence that it will all go well.

The speech is on tabletop role-playing, or more specifically, to provide the audience with insights on effectively participating in a tabletop role-playing game. I know it probably sounds silly. I mean, I'm talking to them about how to play a game. How hard can playing a game be, right?

Well, luckily for me, there are plenty of facets and aspects to playing a tabletop RPG, and these are all aspects that a lot of people, even seasoned veterans, overlook from time to time. Avoiding meta-gaming, avoiding being a rules-lawyer, playing the game for the story and not for personal glory, and understanding that the group is trying to have fun together, are all things that are easy to forget when you roll your fourth failure for the night, or when your armor breaks at the most inopportune time.

More importantly, my hope is that I will show to the audience the benefits of tabletop role-playing, especially to those who have never experienced it before. Tabletop RPGs have a strong social stigma that permeates their existence, and when people hear RPG they often think of Dungeons and Dragons, and from there they often think of anti-social tendencies, along with many other stereotypes. Hopefully I will help them look beyond those stereotypes, and see tabletop gaming as something that everyone and anyone can enjoy.

I plan to do all three of my speech assignments this semester on tabletop role-playing, and my next one, the Informative Speech, will be on running a game session as a Game Master. This will be more difficult than my current speech, since I cannot use visual aids in any way. However, I feel that conducting a speech on being a Game Master and using only my words and my actions to inspire and engage is something that being a Game Master has prepared me for. I already plan on using the entire space open to me, not just the front of the class, and to bring my kinetic energy and desire for movement to the table.

Hopefully I can make some sort of lasting impression.

Expectations

This last week has certainly been an interesting one. I had my audition for "Glass Menagerie" on Monday evening, and though he wasn't helping direct the play at all, my acting instructor did sit in on them. I walked out of the auditions about two hours after they started and felt like they were atrocious, and vowed to actually research the play next time, rather than going in completely blind. However, when I connected with my acting instructor prior to class on Wednesday, he said there was little I could've done better, and that I just simply wasn't what the director was looking for.

Fair enough. I know I went into the audition telling myself not to expect anything. My first audition, no prior stage experience, I couldn't imagine that I'd be a serious contender for either of the male roles. Yet, walking out I couldn't help but feel pretty let down with myself. I got too nervous, I got too anxious, and so I spent my night afterwards in my apartment, eating ice cream and playing the Myst game on my iPhone. Silly expectations, showing up even when you don't want them to.

Also, this week marks the end of my commitment to my retail store. We had been hurting on one of our sales scores for a while, and so I proposed that if we finished this week at our minimum goal, I'd dye my mop of hair green. Well, not only have we made our goal for the week, but we made it with two days to spare. So now I have to look into green hair color and go through two days at work looking like a walking piece of broccoli. Joy.

And I expected the store to just miss the goal.

And finally, just a few nights ago, one of my friends and coworkers had the unfortunate experience of being broken up with. While I never really spoke with her about her relationship, I could tell that it made her happier than anything, simply by the way she acted and spoke. And now that was gone, and she was forced to face the world once again, her perspective now soured, though hopefully just temporarily, by the experience.

Expectations can be a terrible thing. They can get our hopes up only to have them dropped down once again. They can get us to over-commit to something that we're not terribly looking forward to. They can reveal mountains about our perception, both of ourselves and of those around us. Some people have been so affected by their expectations in the past that they have made a decision to simply not expect anything out of people or life in the future. That is a hard thing to do, and while I can understand the reasoning behind it, it pains me to hear people take such an outlook.

It's true, there's a lot of danger in expectations, but more than any danger, there are a lot of other things you can get from expectations. Confidence, optimism, and determination are all positive things that can result from expecting that you will do well on a specific task, expecting that someone else will follow through, or expecting that you will find happiness once again. I can't imagine going through life without at least some measure of confidence, both in myself and in others, and while my confidence certainly gets shaken from time to time, I definitely bounce back in short order. Especially when ice cream and Myst are involved.

A Funny, and Uplifting, Acting Story...

Not in that it has anything to do with acting, but that it is something that happened today during my Acting class.

Or rather, just before my Acting class.

My partner for the doubles-scene I'm a part of this Wednesday had brought her daughter in to Acting class last week. A meek young girl who said little and pretty much stayed glued to her mother's side most of the time, I did my best to keep her at least somewhat engaged through our acting shenanigans.

Anyway, today, her mother, my partner, relayed to me a conversation she had with her daughter, which went something like this;

Amy (the daughter): "Nick was really neat! Is he going to be an actor?"
Michelle (my partner): "No, he's going to become a teacher."
Amy: "Oh, at what school? I want to have him next year!"

It was a heart-warming statement that made my head swell a bit. There was also part of it that made me lament not being further ahead in my teaching career already. Yet, I suppose, the fact that I'm pushing forward with it now is what counts.

Acting & Time

In a short while here, I will be heading back to the college to audition for a role in the play "Glass Menagerie" and I must say I am at once frightened and excited. It was a difficult decision to come to, whether or not I should go for it, but in the end I decided that I would be kicking myself if I didn't at least try.

My primary concern was, if by some great miracle I did get one of the two parts in the play, that the timing for rehearsals would be quite invasive. I work full-time, and the nature of my job doesn't really allow me to put a lot of effort into a consistent commitment like a play, at least not while also going to classes and juggling other social commitments as well. Yet I ended up falling on the decision that I want to do this play, I want to at least attempt it, and I wasn't going to let my job hold me back from that experience.

One thing I came to realize after this last holiday season was that I run the risk of working myself too hard. My job, while definitely having its perks, also has a lot of responsibility to it, responsibility that increases exponentially during the fourth quarter of the year. Knowing that this time of year, late Spring-ish, is generally my slower time, I figured that I better take any and every opportunity that presents itself to me. I mean, I'm tired of looking back on parts of my life and regretting the chances I never took. So I've been trying to take more chances, and while that hasn't always worked out for the best in this last year, at least I'm not left wondering. Certainty is something that was never really part of my life until about the last two months or so.

Auditioning for this play, along with all of the other things I've been posting about and working on, are, at the very least, a sure sign that I'm not only looking forward with my life, but moving forward. And that, in the end, is all that I can ask for.

Progression

This past Thursday, February 28th, I found that my pursuit of independent publishing and game design got a bit easier. My life-long friend, Sean S., asked me how interested I would be in pursuing a partnership with him. Round 10 is coming along, and he wants to move forward in a way that would take what I am building as a brand, and explore all manner of options for it as a business. Tabletop gaming, blogging, podcasts, etc. With an enthusiastic response, I told him I would glady join forces with him to create the foundations of a game design team and company. However, I did caution him that Round 10 is, far and away, my main focus right now, with all of the work I've been pouring into it. He understood, and offered his help where it was needed, and as it fit into his schedule.

That lit a bit more of a fire in me when it came to working on the Round 10 Core Rulebook, and the following evening I sat in front of my computer for nearly five hours hammering out the statistics, values and information for tons of additional aspects to the book. It's filling up nicely, and while I still have some distance to go before it's ready to be published, it is certainly making headway. I am excited to get it out there and in the hands of those awaiting it.

I'm excited to bring my love of tabletop gaming and expand it beyond simply the Round 10 RPG System, and I know Sean is equally so. We both are of like minds, that this endeavor, this pursuit, is a way for us to feel good about how we're spending our time, to feel satisfied with a creative project that will help make the more routine days that much easier to get through. And once Round 10 gets established and off the ground, and the brand becomes something more than simply a logo and word of mouth, we'll really have some opportunities to explore our interests, and bring the games that we want to play to life.