Writing Warm-Up: Sad Face, Lock & Bridge

Writing Session Warm-Up with Rory's Story Cubes

The time has come for me to do some more writing in my serialized fiction, and that means doing a warm-up to get the creative gears turning. I've decided to utilize my Rory's Story Cubes, recently purchased and yet to see official use, to create a basic outline for a story I may or may not write sometime in the future.

In this particular case, I've rolled three of the story cubes, and I will use those three cubes to come up with a simple outline for a potential piece of fiction.

The Candle Which Burns Twice As Bright...

Another play has come up in my area. Not only am I interested in auditioning, but it is a musical, which is part of my bucket list. It only seems natural that I should audition for it, right? I mean, I've hit up every audition that has been available since last April, so why stop now.

Unfortunately, I'm not as excited for this audition as I would've originally expected. So much so to the point that I am not even 100% certain if I will audition for it. While I have no doubts that it would be an amazing experience and it would be truly exciting and engaging, and I would meet new wonderful people and get the chance to work with others I already know and love within the local theater community, I can't help but wonder if I'm filling my plate too full already.

Life, Work, Writing & Balance

Recently, and by recently I mean in about the last week, I've been struck with a new fear. I know, my list of fears is pretty long, but this one is new and immediate and so it gains some additional attention. The new year has started, and the end of the first full week is approaching. According to my count, I've done a total of 9275 words of writing this week, beating my weekly goal by 2275 words. Not too shabby, and a good start to what will hopefully be 52 weeks of consistent writing.

Happy Holidays from Experience Points!

Hello readers! It's been a while since I've updated the blog, so here's a quick recap of the last few weeks, as well as some minor plans for the near future.

The holidays have been busy and hectic as I bounce from one part of the family to the other, balancing work, work, writing, friends, family, and girlfriend. In actuality the business is a blessing and I welcome it with open arms. I am very fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life, even if scheduling can get stressful at times.

I have been continuing to work on three different projects at once, as is my way, while also throwing down the groundwork for a new pet project in the future. The print format of the Round 10 Core Rulebook is at a solid start, but it will not be ready by the end of the month, as originally expected. I think, when it comes to releasing books, I'm going to stop posting my expected release dates, as I can never seem to stay on top of them. Additionally, I am tightening up the writing of the first adventure module for R10, Operation: Heavenly Discord, which should be ready for digital download in the near future. And finally, I am starting to revise and piece together the sections of the Zimildran Setting Module for R10, which should be ready for publication sometime next year. Add to this the fact that I am also developing a second tabletop game that may or may not see release, as well as trying to balance every other aspect of my life, and I hope you can understand why my blog has been so silent as of late.

As for the future, I've said this before, but it is something that needs to happen and I plan to hold myself more accountable from here on out. Unlike years prior, I will be holding myself to a set of resolutions for this coming new year. Where once my resolutions were abstract and difficult to define, such as 'be a better friend' or 'be more creative', this year I plan to make the resolutions concrete and easy to track. Also, they will be recorded here, in my personal journal, and posted on my fridge at the apartment, so that I will always be well aware of their importance. As resolutions in years past have been about myself and my relationships with others, these ones will almost entirely be about me and my work, with Round 10, online publishing, illustration and game development. I am excited to share the resolutions with you when they are finalized!

As always, thank you so very much for your continued support and readership. If you have any questions, comments, concerns or criticisms about the blog, Round 10, or my writing in general, please email me at lostlegacyrp@gmail.com. Check out my Current Creative Projects page to see what I'm officially working on, and keep up to date with all of your Round 10 needs at the Round 10 Website, Round 10 on Facebook, and by getting Round 10 from RPGNow!

Summer Resolution

You know, I should just do away with my proposed blogging schedule. I'm not sticking to it at all.

Anywho...

I went on another late-night walk a few days ago, before this bout of rain and wind hit central Minnesota. I actually left my headphones at home, for once, to allow myself time to really think, rather than drowning out my thoughts with music.

I realized that, as is my norm around this time of year, I was becoming quite restless. Desires and drives were building up in me, causing my satisfaction to dip and my lamentations to rise. I saw time as something slipping away from me, as days wasted and relationships waning, and there was little I could do to reverse any of it. I wanted to call people and talk to people for no reason other than to do it. I wanted to play my drum outside again. I wanted to go on a road trip. I wanted to turn my life on its head, make decisions before I had time to think about them, and live my life, even if only for a short while, on the edge of my seat.

Sitting back and thinking about it all now, I feel that it isn't so much that I want to shake my life up with some random event or some big decision. Lord knows big changes are coming soon enough, anyway. Rather, I want to ensure that I feel good about how I spend my time overall. And the one way for me to feel good about my time, hands down beyond any doubt, is to spend it with people I care about, friends and family.

And so that is my "Summer Resolution." Consider it an expansion to my New Years Resolution (which was to be a better friend, brother, uncle and son, for anybody keeping count). For this summer, I am making it my goal to create more memories, take more pictures and do more with other people.
So if you're reading this and you know me personally, hold me to it. I've been known to hit stretches of complacency, times where I'm content just sitting at home doing next to nothing, and then I always regret those times later. I want to limit those times as much as possible this year, and again, if you know me personally, I want to be with YOU more this summer.

Now to get back to work on Round 10...

You Can't Take Everything (or Everyone) With You...

This is primarily going to be one of my sappy, self-reflective posts, so please bear with me.

As most of you are aware, this week marked the end of the semester for me. Monday was the official last day of class, and Wednesday was the first of my two days of finals. I found I was struck with a stronger pang of grief than I originally expected. I've grown somewhat close (which for me means that I've shared a lot of laughs and some minor extracirricular activities) with a handful of people, including the majority of my Acting class.

I've talked about how I connect with people in previous posts, but allow me to go over this again. Years ago, I used to be free with my happiness and optimism, and I used to approach everyone as if they could be a life-changing friend for me. I poured everything into friendships and I tried to do everything in my power for those people. It didn't matter if we shared a brief, friendly conversation or if we hung out consistently for multiple months, I probably considered you a close friend.

Then I had a period where this openness and willingness to connect so freely with people came back to bite me, and it ended up hurting me. So I backed off, and kept people at arms' length. Sure, I didn't let other people hurt me during this time, but I was hurting myself, stifling my extroverted self and forcing a more introverted lifestyle. It was difficult at first, but it got easier as time went on, and eventually it became all I knew.

Yet, in the last two years now, I've really been working on getting back my old self, the self that I was years ago. I wanted to be the Nick that people wanted to be around again. I wanted people to enjoy their time with me, and I wanted people to know how much they mean to me. I have had a few friendships and relationships these past two years that have been instrumental in making this transition, yet a week such as this proves to me that things won't always be easy.

We finished our last performances in Acting class, and I lingered for a moment or two, but ended up leaving quite quickly, quite abruptly, with very little said to anyone other than a couple of passing goodbyes. I got halfway down the hall to the exit, and I stopped myself. I turned back around, went back to the theater, and made up some excuse in my head of a question that I had to ask the instructor as the real reason for my return.

Unfortunately, when I arrived again, most of the other students had gone, and I had missed my opportunity to give a more suitable farewell. Now, I found, I felt even worse.

This seems such an elementary thing for me, but now all that is rolling around in my head is the fear that I may never see some of these people again. That is a reality I'm going to have to face, but it's not one I'm proud of accelerating.

As I have been saying, time and again, I am moving forward. Forward with my life, forward with my career, forward with my creativity and forward with my relationships. Unfortunately, the other side of that positive coin is the fact that as I move forward, I am forced to face the realization that I can't take everything with me, that I can try to stay in touch with as many as possible, but I will lose contact with most of them, and it kills me.

It kills me because I think of the people who I was once close to that I don't hear from, or don't reach out to, much any more. People who I keep telling myself I need to call, need to contact, but I either don't or can't.

This Friday is my last final, in Public Speaking, a class in which I have made some simple connections with a few people, though not as major of connections and with not as many people as I would prefer (mainly because other than one or two moments, I didn't put much effort into it, probably out of a fear of the inevitable future). I think I will do what I can to offer a bit more of a satisfying goodbye to these people, something I may segue into my requesting they see the play that I will be in this summer.

I am a better friend than I have been this last week or so, I know it. I just have to act like it.

This Big Lake Has Got Me Feeling Anxious & Lazy

Decided my post today would be a poor attempt at poetry. Sorry about the scheduling delay!

Alright, it's time to clear away those temptations and dust off those notions, ignore your hesitations and challenge your devotions. Shake up those foundations you let settle, look back on your creations right down to the letter. You let your distractions get in the way of your plans, you've been looking at the downside so let's start again.

Lefts and rights, ups and downs, keeping your head through the smiles and frowns.
A walk under the sun isn't always so bright, but strolling under the moon doesn't always feel right.
A pocket full of plastic still comes up short but creative success is attained with support,
so tighten the belt and sharpen the number two, push uncertainty aside, you've got work to do.

The world's unlocked the door and cracked it open some more, but your shoe's all scuffed because you've been here before. Your art is a chore and your ego is sore, you're in the big leagues now but you're too chicken to score. And after all this, what's it really for? Pride? Honor? Principle, or something more? Would anyone notice if you closed the door? In a market full of Cores, who needs one more?

You have been here before. But this time is different.

You're lost, aren't you? There's no rhyme to your reason, you hang on too tightly and then change with the seasons.
You make up your mind with the certainty of weather and you tend to fall apart after every get-together.
But finding happiness in life begins with a thought, and if you refuse to smile then you've already lost.
You're not going to give up before you even started, afterall, you've seen worse, and even when you departed
from this path for which you packed you backtrack to the fact that this has always been your knack, no matter how abstract, exact, or sidetracked the fact of this track is that it's about your impact, not your plan of attack.

So the next time you're tempted to turn your back, or worse to simply let yourself drift off-track,
do us all a favor and snap yourself back. This far in the game you can't afford to slack.
I know it'd be easier with a little more change, and I know it'd be nicer if you could share the stage,
but choices and terms led you to this point, and whether alone or not you shouldn't disappoint.
You've made promises before, now it's time to see them through. Not to your family or friends, you only owe it to you.

Don't second guess me on this. You know I'm right. Forget the cold apartment and the flat sheets at night.
One fish at a time if you're going to fry 'em right. Even if there's bigger fish out there, this one's in sight. You've been going too long on catch and release, and now the sun is going down and you still need to eat.
So reel this in with patience, stay true, and you'll be fed for the night and tomorrow's brand new.
One fish at a time is my advice to you, and who knows? Maybe someday that fish will find you.

The Life of an Otter

Today I found I was far more stressed than I originally wanted to admit to myself, something I realized as I let the hot water of the morning shower pour over me. And, I found, as my morning went on, my stress only increased.

I had a research paper due on Monday, and I came to realize that the shape of my schedule from Friday morning through Sunday evening wasn't one to allow for much room to research, organize, write and revise said paper. On top of that I needed to begin preparing for my final speech, I needed to read through the scene my acting partner and I had landed on, and I came to realize that I was falling behind in my RPG writing, my blogging, and that the end of the semester was right around the corner, having snuck up on me with incredible speed.

These thoughts and more crowded my mind, and put me in a sour mood to start the day off. I don't like to toot my own horn, but I like the entertain the notion that I am not one to get easily stressed. I tend to take things as they come, a skill I've been working for the past few years, and it takes a bit before I start to lose sleep.

Luckily, though, two of my friends came forward to help ease my stress, through consistent joking, light-hearted shenanigans, and offering scheduling advice. What looked like a catastrophic mess of a weekend soon became a manageable situation, and I was beginning to mitigate my stress, all thanks to two of the most wonderful people I've had the pleasure of getting to know these past few months.

During speech class today, one of the students spoke about personality profiles, and outlined three basic personalities as described by animals. The lion, the otter, the beaver and the golden retriever. I recognized the person I used to be (the beaver), the person I wanted to be (the golden retriever) and the person I currently was (the otter) in her descriptions. One quality about the otter that stood out to me was that, as she claimed, "an otter will call anyone that they interact with at least two times their 'close friend'."

I saw that in myself right away. It's true, if we hang out together only a couple of times, if I have two different conversations with you that both seem to go relatively well, I often consider you a close friend. That label in no way diminishes the quality of those friendships I've shared for many years, it only helps define the lengths I'm willing to go to in order to 1.) get to know you better, and 2.) maintain our friendship. While I can't be 100% certain in this self-assessment, I feel that I get along well with most people, and unless our personalities clash in a particularly blatant way, I can often see myself becoming good friends with just about anybody.

Whether I've been going to your house since my early years in elementary school, or we just met this semester in one of my classes, or you're the friend of a friend who has hung out with me once or twice, or we've merely shared a place of employment for about a month or so, it is very likely that I see you as a friend, and I see the potential of a greater friendship there. When it comes to relationships, I tend to jump in feet first, plunge myself in whole-heartedly, and then see where it goes from there. Unfortunately, this means that I cannot get to know everyone as well as I'd like to, much to my dismay. Yet I do what I can for my friends and family, whether it's offering counsel via a message or phone call, showing encouragement over their chosen form of artistic expression, or simply sharing a few amusing stories and listening to how they're doing.

However, no matter how far I'm pushing in a relationship, I always feel I can push a little further. Am I overextending myself? Am I wasting my energy on too many relationships, exhausting myself emotionally, and will I only be met with disappointment? I will admit that sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes I feel like I'm giving too much or coming across too strong, but then I have evenings like I did on Thursday, or mornings like today, and I realize that for me to do any less would be a dishonest, dissatisfying use of my energy. It is my ultimate wish to experience as many people's stories as I can, to interact with as many people as possible, and to create and share memories everywhere. And boy do I have a long way to go as I bring that wish into reality.

Literary Burp: Personality & Purpose

The following post is a thought or musing of mine that I just wanted to get recorded. These sort of thoughts filter in and out of my head constantly, and I'm of the mindset that if I don't acknowledge their existence, then I may as well have never had them in the first place. And every thought deserves its due attention, even if its a random one such as this.

When growing up I had a very different experience. I'm the youngest of four, and primarily grew up with my sister, as my other two siblings were considerably older and thus occupied a different lifestyle than I did. When they were listening to music and driving vehicles I was playing with Legos and acting like a dinosaur. Growing up, I've always seen how different I was than the rest of my family. I had an unashamed, unbridled and unquenchable thirst for the unknown. Concepts like outer space, the ocean, trackless desert and the deepest recesses of nature were all notions that held great sway with me. These were places that people only talked about or wrote about, but didn't go to. These were 'true' places, untouched by the hand of man and operating without his interference. These ideas, even if I didn't know how to articulate them at the time, intrigued me beyond compare, and were manifested in my love of such things as dinosaurs, Star Wars, the Marvel superheroes and other fantastic stories.

This passion for finding the amazing in what others rarely even thought about set me apart, at least in my eyes, from a lot of people I knew growing up. For all of my head-in-the-clouds, fantasizing and day-dreaming antics, my father was at least that engulfed in practicality. He showed a love of old comics and stories from his youth, but he is a man of concrete facts, of a world that's written in black and white and runs by the word of God and the letter of the law. Where he would try to determine 'why,' I would only muse 'why not?' As I grew up I found that I inherited his unshaking resolution in the truth of the world, in the presence of God, and in the important role religion plays in our lives. Yet I wasn't about to let this 'certainty' of faith, morality, and the way of the world limit my desire to seek the unknown, to continue to walk down paths others dismiss as fantastical, and to continue to keep my head in those beautiful clouds.

What is this post all about? I don't really know. I started out with one thing in mind, but it as changed in these few paragraphs. I guess it is an introspective analysis of myself. If there is one thing I do, and frequently, it's question why I think the way I do, why I feel the way I do, and why I act the way I do. I still feel like I am still learning who I am, and I feel like the only way I will ever truly learn about the world around me is to first understand that there is much I don't know, even about myself.

We all search for the concrete answers in life, or we think we have found them, or we plant them for ourselves to find. We rarely question them, some of us never do, and we are happy knowing that the sky is blue, the sun will rise, and tomorrow will always follow today. But not me. I'm not content with merely accepting the world, or my existence in it, at face value. I am here for a purpose, as is everyone, and I will never learn what that is unless I leave my mind open, unless I accept the fact that the concept of 'truth' is a human concept, and that I will only, in my entire life, learn a mere fraction of what is considered as truth. In short, there is much more going on in existence than I can ever hope to experience, to learn, to know.

"Needs Improvement"

I had a good conversation, albeit a short one, with a coworker recently about writing and inspiration, and I found that all of the advice I was giving him were things that I needed to remember to do.

I told him to write daily, to set up a schedule if he could and to stick to it. I told him that when he sits down to write, to just write, and to not go back and edit. I told him to get the entire manuscript down on paper before he actually begins to fix errors or inconsistencies. And as I was saying all of this, I just felt like a big hypocrite.

I am a writer. Right? Aren't I? What have I written recently? Anything? Other than a few passages in my roleplaying book, I really haven't written much in the last week or so. What right do I have to call myself a writer, if I don't write? And on what grounds should I be giving advice when I don't do it myself? "Trust me, this works. But I don't do it."

Sometimes my own complacency staggers me. I understand, more than most, the importance of enjoying every day, of finding happiness in the little things. I know that if I constantly focus on things about myself that make me unhappy, like my complacency, then I won't ever be happy. But at the same time, I know that there are a lot of things about me, as a person, that I need to correct. Like my complacency.

I've been focusing so much on my optimism, on my friendliness, and most importantly, on being not only open to new experiences, but being an instigator of new experiences in others, that I fear I've lost track of other things that I need to keep tabs on. I am a work in progress, with a big, fat "Needs Improvement" stamp on my forehead. That's not me being cynical, that's not me being self-defeating, and that's not me throwing a pity-party. It's a fact, and I hope to God that I never feel otherwise. The minute I stop trying to better myself, then I've already lost.

Expectations

This last week has certainly been an interesting one. I had my audition for "Glass Menagerie" on Monday evening, and though he wasn't helping direct the play at all, my acting instructor did sit in on them. I walked out of the auditions about two hours after they started and felt like they were atrocious, and vowed to actually research the play next time, rather than going in completely blind. However, when I connected with my acting instructor prior to class on Wednesday, he said there was little I could've done better, and that I just simply wasn't what the director was looking for.

Fair enough. I know I went into the audition telling myself not to expect anything. My first audition, no prior stage experience, I couldn't imagine that I'd be a serious contender for either of the male roles. Yet, walking out I couldn't help but feel pretty let down with myself. I got too nervous, I got too anxious, and so I spent my night afterwards in my apartment, eating ice cream and playing the Myst game on my iPhone. Silly expectations, showing up even when you don't want them to.

Also, this week marks the end of my commitment to my retail store. We had been hurting on one of our sales scores for a while, and so I proposed that if we finished this week at our minimum goal, I'd dye my mop of hair green. Well, not only have we made our goal for the week, but we made it with two days to spare. So now I have to look into green hair color and go through two days at work looking like a walking piece of broccoli. Joy.

And I expected the store to just miss the goal.

And finally, just a few nights ago, one of my friends and coworkers had the unfortunate experience of being broken up with. While I never really spoke with her about her relationship, I could tell that it made her happier than anything, simply by the way she acted and spoke. And now that was gone, and she was forced to face the world once again, her perspective now soured, though hopefully just temporarily, by the experience.

Expectations can be a terrible thing. They can get our hopes up only to have them dropped down once again. They can get us to over-commit to something that we're not terribly looking forward to. They can reveal mountains about our perception, both of ourselves and of those around us. Some people have been so affected by their expectations in the past that they have made a decision to simply not expect anything out of people or life in the future. That is a hard thing to do, and while I can understand the reasoning behind it, it pains me to hear people take such an outlook.

It's true, there's a lot of danger in expectations, but more than any danger, there are a lot of other things you can get from expectations. Confidence, optimism, and determination are all positive things that can result from expecting that you will do well on a specific task, expecting that someone else will follow through, or expecting that you will find happiness once again. I can't imagine going through life without at least some measure of confidence, both in myself and in others, and while my confidence certainly gets shaken from time to time, I definitely bounce back in short order. Especially when ice cream and Myst are involved.