What is a Writer who doesn't Write?

Wow, browsing the Vlog posts is an interesting pass-time. It's like a facial hair gallery. Anyways, it's been a while since I made a text post, so here's my attempt at channeling my inner writer. Who, as you may well know, I am trying to bring out again.

My focus for my future has changed, yet again. This blog was started to help follow my drive for teaching and becoming an English teacher. However, with certain circumstances these last couple of months, mainly my financial situation, the educational hoops, jobs changing, family emergencies, theater productions and closing in on Round 10's final stages of production, my drive and desire to teach has been curbed in light of what is more readily viewed as 'real life'.

Summer Resolution

You know, I should just do away with my proposed blogging schedule. I'm not sticking to it at all.

Anywho...

I went on another late-night walk a few days ago, before this bout of rain and wind hit central Minnesota. I actually left my headphones at home, for once, to allow myself time to really think, rather than drowning out my thoughts with music.

I realized that, as is my norm around this time of year, I was becoming quite restless. Desires and drives were building up in me, causing my satisfaction to dip and my lamentations to rise. I saw time as something slipping away from me, as days wasted and relationships waning, and there was little I could do to reverse any of it. I wanted to call people and talk to people for no reason other than to do it. I wanted to play my drum outside again. I wanted to go on a road trip. I wanted to turn my life on its head, make decisions before I had time to think about them, and live my life, even if only for a short while, on the edge of my seat.

Sitting back and thinking about it all now, I feel that it isn't so much that I want to shake my life up with some random event or some big decision. Lord knows big changes are coming soon enough, anyway. Rather, I want to ensure that I feel good about how I spend my time overall. And the one way for me to feel good about my time, hands down beyond any doubt, is to spend it with people I care about, friends and family.

And so that is my "Summer Resolution." Consider it an expansion to my New Years Resolution (which was to be a better friend, brother, uncle and son, for anybody keeping count). For this summer, I am making it my goal to create more memories, take more pictures and do more with other people.
So if you're reading this and you know me personally, hold me to it. I've been known to hit stretches of complacency, times where I'm content just sitting at home doing next to nothing, and then I always regret those times later. I want to limit those times as much as possible this year, and again, if you know me personally, I want to be with YOU more this summer.

Now to get back to work on Round 10...

Changing the Game

Things have been moving at a very definite pace for me these last couple of weeks. I made some big decisions, the nature of which I can't really get into yet, but that will be changing the course of my life for at least the next year or two. It's both exciting and frightening, but I know that these are decisions that had to be made, considering my future goals and my current direction.

On a smaller scale, I made a tough choice about my personal belongings today, selling a good number of old video games for past - and current - generation systems. They were simply sitting on the shelves or in drawers, collecting dust and not seeing any use, and since I had to spend extra money on phone repairs and dropped some more cash into Round 10 (necessary cash, that is), I've been a little tight on funds.

But creativity is one of my strengths, and being creative with how I spend my money is a skill I've been tempering since January, thanks in no small part to the guidance of my sister. And it's something I'm going to have to get better at, looking at the road ahead.

I am nothing if not a work in progress.

Round 10: The Persuasion

My third and final speech of this semester, which will be delivered on Monday, April 29th, has to be persuasive in nature, with the intent to persuade the audience to act, feel, or think in a specific way by the time the speech is finished. Since I spoke about tabletop role-playing with my frist two speeches, I originally planned to describe the benefits of actually participating in tabletop role-playing. And then I realized I was already doing this with my previous speeches, talking about how RPGs can increase small-group communication skills, organization skills, creative problem-solving, and working with a team.

And then it hit me: why not just give a 10 minute infomercial on Round 10?

This seemed almost too good to be true, too easy to work. I asked the instructor if I could basically do a 'shameless self-advertising' speech, and he said "as long as you can work in the persuasive elements, it will work."

Here we go, then.

So the speech will be about Round 10, and why the audience, as first-time players of an RPG, should choose that as their introductory system. I will go over Round 10's simple set-up, it's focus on openness and how it fosters creativity, how it fits to accomodate the game you want to play rather than force you to play its game, and how it will be supported in the future by interesting, original and memorable settings and expansions. I will touch on Zimildran, on Otherworld, and on other ideas for the future. I'll bring up Facebook, Twitter (@Round10RPG), the Round 10 Website (even if it's still under construction), and this blog. Hopefully my enthusiasm around this topic will be enough to at least garner one or two additional supporters.

The Illusion of Progress

This past Sunday was an interesting day for me. It started off with me visiting my parents briefly, I vented some of my frustrations and discussed upcoming events with them, and then headed into town to pick up groceries. I returned to the apartment, started my laundry, and sat down to work on my research paper for my Interpersonal Communication class. It promptly started snowing, and heavily, outside, and I knew that I was confined to the apartment for the remainder of the day.

I finished the paper within about an hour, spent some time talking with my roommate about our summer plans, graduation, and other topics, and then sat in front of my computer to work on Round 10.

And I sat there, and stared at it, yet couldn't bring myself to type anything out. Nothing was coming to me. Here I was, the whole evening ahead of me, a mountain of time that could allow me to make tons of progress on Round 10, and all I could do was stare at the document blankly.

And then Monday came around, and between classes, in the matter of an hour and a half, I started and finished three different sections in the rulebook, fingers hammering away faster than they had in a while. Yet I did this in the college cafeteria, rather than my own kitchen as was the case on Sunday.

I realized that the change of environment was what did it. It offered a change of pace, a change of scenery, which dramatically affected my writing. I realized that, as I have mentioned in previous blog posts, that I am fearful of my own stagnation in life, and the simple change of scenery was enough to kickstart my writing juices, oil the gears in my creative mind, and get more work done than I had seen in a long time. It was an illusion of actual progress, with me fooling my creative brain with the idea that I was in a different place, at a different time in my life.

That simple illusion, that simple head fake, was enough for me to temporarily forget about the stresses of the direction and pace of my life and to focus on the task at hand - my writing.

Here's hoping I can continue to make it work.

The Life of an Otter

Today I found I was far more stressed than I originally wanted to admit to myself, something I realized as I let the hot water of the morning shower pour over me. And, I found, as my morning went on, my stress only increased.

I had a research paper due on Monday, and I came to realize that the shape of my schedule from Friday morning through Sunday evening wasn't one to allow for much room to research, organize, write and revise said paper. On top of that I needed to begin preparing for my final speech, I needed to read through the scene my acting partner and I had landed on, and I came to realize that I was falling behind in my RPG writing, my blogging, and that the end of the semester was right around the corner, having snuck up on me with incredible speed.

These thoughts and more crowded my mind, and put me in a sour mood to start the day off. I don't like to toot my own horn, but I like the entertain the notion that I am not one to get easily stressed. I tend to take things as they come, a skill I've been working for the past few years, and it takes a bit before I start to lose sleep.

Luckily, though, two of my friends came forward to help ease my stress, through consistent joking, light-hearted shenanigans, and offering scheduling advice. What looked like a catastrophic mess of a weekend soon became a manageable situation, and I was beginning to mitigate my stress, all thanks to two of the most wonderful people I've had the pleasure of getting to know these past few months.

During speech class today, one of the students spoke about personality profiles, and outlined three basic personalities as described by animals. The lion, the otter, the beaver and the golden retriever. I recognized the person I used to be (the beaver), the person I wanted to be (the golden retriever) and the person I currently was (the otter) in her descriptions. One quality about the otter that stood out to me was that, as she claimed, "an otter will call anyone that they interact with at least two times their 'close friend'."

I saw that in myself right away. It's true, if we hang out together only a couple of times, if I have two different conversations with you that both seem to go relatively well, I often consider you a close friend. That label in no way diminishes the quality of those friendships I've shared for many years, it only helps define the lengths I'm willing to go to in order to 1.) get to know you better, and 2.) maintain our friendship. While I can't be 100% certain in this self-assessment, I feel that I get along well with most people, and unless our personalities clash in a particularly blatant way, I can often see myself becoming good friends with just about anybody.

Whether I've been going to your house since my early years in elementary school, or we just met this semester in one of my classes, or you're the friend of a friend who has hung out with me once or twice, or we've merely shared a place of employment for about a month or so, it is very likely that I see you as a friend, and I see the potential of a greater friendship there. When it comes to relationships, I tend to jump in feet first, plunge myself in whole-heartedly, and then see where it goes from there. Unfortunately, this means that I cannot get to know everyone as well as I'd like to, much to my dismay. Yet I do what I can for my friends and family, whether it's offering counsel via a message or phone call, showing encouragement over their chosen form of artistic expression, or simply sharing a few amusing stories and listening to how they're doing.

However, no matter how far I'm pushing in a relationship, I always feel I can push a little further. Am I overextending myself? Am I wasting my energy on too many relationships, exhausting myself emotionally, and will I only be met with disappointment? I will admit that sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes I feel like I'm giving too much or coming across too strong, but then I have evenings like I did on Thursday, or mornings like today, and I realize that for me to do any less would be a dishonest, dissatisfying use of my energy. It is my ultimate wish to experience as many people's stories as I can, to interact with as many people as possible, and to create and share memories everywhere. And boy do I have a long way to go as I bring that wish into reality.

Speech Finished

Finally!

After two delays from the instructor missing class (surprising, right?) and one from a scheduling misstep, my demonstrative speech on how to effectively participate in a tabletop RPG is finished.

I realize now that I went into a bit of a trance during the course of the speech, and in retrospect I don't remember much of what I did or how I did it. I remember getting in front of the class, I remember my introduction, and I remember that I hit the conclusion faster than I expected. In truth, the speech clocked in at a bit over 9 minutes, which is three to four minutes faster than when I timed it at home. A good thing to keep in mind for future speeches.

And so my first of three speeches is out of the way, and already I have to start preparing speech two, which will be delivered in two weeks. Keeping with my tabletop RPG themes, this time I will be delivering a speech on running a game, what to keep in mind, and how to manage a group of players. Now with no visual aids, so we'll see how well that goes.

I'm excited, to say the least. On the one hand I'm glad this speech is done, but I still feel like I have so much to say. It's a good thing I've got two more speeches to go. My desire to talk about tabletop RPGs is overflowing, as anyone who knows me personally can agree. And hopefully these three speeches will be the combined points of interest to push some of these students to give tabletop RPGs a chance. Hopefully.

"Needs Improvement"

I had a good conversation, albeit a short one, with a coworker recently about writing and inspiration, and I found that all of the advice I was giving him were things that I needed to remember to do.

I told him to write daily, to set up a schedule if he could and to stick to it. I told him that when he sits down to write, to just write, and to not go back and edit. I told him to get the entire manuscript down on paper before he actually begins to fix errors or inconsistencies. And as I was saying all of this, I just felt like a big hypocrite.

I am a writer. Right? Aren't I? What have I written recently? Anything? Other than a few passages in my roleplaying book, I really haven't written much in the last week or so. What right do I have to call myself a writer, if I don't write? And on what grounds should I be giving advice when I don't do it myself? "Trust me, this works. But I don't do it."

Sometimes my own complacency staggers me. I understand, more than most, the importance of enjoying every day, of finding happiness in the little things. I know that if I constantly focus on things about myself that make me unhappy, like my complacency, then I won't ever be happy. But at the same time, I know that there are a lot of things about me, as a person, that I need to correct. Like my complacency.

I've been focusing so much on my optimism, on my friendliness, and most importantly, on being not only open to new experiences, but being an instigator of new experiences in others, that I fear I've lost track of other things that I need to keep tabs on. I am a work in progress, with a big, fat "Needs Improvement" stamp on my forehead. That's not me being cynical, that's not me being self-defeating, and that's not me throwing a pity-party. It's a fact, and I hope to God that I never feel otherwise. The minute I stop trying to better myself, then I've already lost.

College & Graduation

This last week has been quite a boring one for me. After the excitement of the road trip with my gaming group, and the 3:00am Dance Central party on Saturday, my activity has dropped considerably. I wake up, I go to class, I have some fun with friends at CLC, I go to work and play catch-up on my list of tasks, then I go home and either play Starcraft II or watch YouTube videos until I drift off to sleep, only to start it all over again the next day.

I suppose it's to be expected. I mean, after such an engaging weekend I should be okay with allowing myself some downtime. But at the same time, I'd rather have the excitement of the weekend carry over into my daily routines, rather than drop off completely. And then this morning I was sort of slapped in the face with a realization.

It's March. Graduation is coming up, and I have things I need to do.

In order for me to get my AA at the end of this semester, I need to have my AP transcript submitted to the college. Since the last time I took an AP test was in 2006, my transcript has gone into what the AP board calls the "Archives". Basically, for me to get those credits to the college, I need to jump through extra hoops and spend a little extra money in order for the people at CLC to go "Oh, yes you have taken all those classes."

Once that is all done, I will be all set for my AA (finally) and can start looking at my teaching degree a bit more closely.

So this morning saw a bit of a fire lit under my butt, thanks in part to my roommate and in part to a friend from my Acting class who was asking me about my plans after this semester. I printed the AP transcript release form, filled it out, and now just have to fax it and a check to the AP Board and wait for them to fax the transcript back to the college. I'm cutting it close, but that's sort of my style.

It's both exciting and frightening, being this close to my AA, on the cusp of uncharted territory (for me). The thoughts of what is happening after plague me, now. Thoughts like worrying about costs of going to an actual college, about being able to manage online classes, about if teaching is really the career I should be pursuing, and about how seriously I should be pushing forward with my book at the same time. Yet, despite all of my worrying, and despite all of my anxiety, I need to keep this momentum going. I know that once my momentum drops, it's hard to get up again, and I can't afford to put my future off any longer.

Role-Playing Speech

On Monday, March 18th, at approximately 9:00am, I am giving a demonstrative speech in front of my Public Speaking class. Am I nervous? A bit, but I have my confidence that it will all go well.

The speech is on tabletop role-playing, or more specifically, to provide the audience with insights on effectively participating in a tabletop role-playing game. I know it probably sounds silly. I mean, I'm talking to them about how to play a game. How hard can playing a game be, right?

Well, luckily for me, there are plenty of facets and aspects to playing a tabletop RPG, and these are all aspects that a lot of people, even seasoned veterans, overlook from time to time. Avoiding meta-gaming, avoiding being a rules-lawyer, playing the game for the story and not for personal glory, and understanding that the group is trying to have fun together, are all things that are easy to forget when you roll your fourth failure for the night, or when your armor breaks at the most inopportune time.

More importantly, my hope is that I will show to the audience the benefits of tabletop role-playing, especially to those who have never experienced it before. Tabletop RPGs have a strong social stigma that permeates their existence, and when people hear RPG they often think of Dungeons and Dragons, and from there they often think of anti-social tendencies, along with many other stereotypes. Hopefully I will help them look beyond those stereotypes, and see tabletop gaming as something that everyone and anyone can enjoy.

I plan to do all three of my speech assignments this semester on tabletop role-playing, and my next one, the Informative Speech, will be on running a game session as a Game Master. This will be more difficult than my current speech, since I cannot use visual aids in any way. However, I feel that conducting a speech on being a Game Master and using only my words and my actions to inspire and engage is something that being a Game Master has prepared me for. I already plan on using the entire space open to me, not just the front of the class, and to bring my kinetic energy and desire for movement to the table.

Hopefully I can make some sort of lasting impression.

Too Much Wasted Time

My last couple of posts have been about time management in writing, and how to better hold yourself accountable for your time. I realize that the majority of this blog has been in and around various bits of advice when it comes to pursuing your career, yet I stopped and thought about that for a minute. Here I am, unpublished, distracted and as amateur as you can get, and I'm posting advice about how to become a better writer. That's more than a bit pretentious of me.

That being said, in an effort to shift the focus from me providing less-than-substantiated advice to me providing a window on my own experiences, I will start posting about my own writing habits, what I'm planning to do, and why. I've already talked about my love of journaling, so consider this blog an extension of my journals, one that is open for public viewing and feedback.

I've recently come under an undeniable feeling of restlessness when it comes to my career choice and my daily habits. I attribute part of this to the fact that I recently turned 25, an age that sort of slapped me in the face, forcing me to realize that I am an adult, no doubt about it. However, I cannot help but feel that part of it is because I am working in a job, and have been working in a job, that doesn't satisfy what I want out of a career choice.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job. I work with some very wonderful people and have had incredible memories. Some lasting friends have been made in the retail world for me. Yet, as I approach my 8th year, I cannot help but consider my level of personal satisfaction with my daily work, and I am disappointed with that assessment.

I'm faced with the feeling that the last few years of my life have been far too complacent, and now I feel like I need to work that much harder in order to make up for the lost time. I recently spoke with my parents about this feeling, and my father gave me the advice "I felt the same way at your age, but I stayed in the grocery business and I feel it worked out well." To his credit it certainly did, and I'm glad he made the choices he did in his life. However, something about this restlessness tells me that it goes beyond an aging man attempting to hang onto the openness and opportunity-filled days of his youth. I feel like there is no reason why I should be allowing myself to feel this way, and that I can turn it around if only I spend the time doing so.

It's a difficult realization to come to, and even more difficult to put into action, but it is my plan to do so. It is my hope to advance my career and my interests every day until I reach the point where I am satisfied with what I am doing. When that happens, I will be able to look at other aspects of myself and my life, and what I can do to better them.

When I spoke with my mother I told her that "I'm tired of just satisfying people, and I want to start actually helping people." And that is as close to the truth about my feelings as I've ever been able to vocalize. I'm tired of working in customer service, putting my people skills and my communication talents to use with a flimsy facade of making a difference. I want to actually make a difference. I want to help people learn, realize their potential, open their minds and view the world in different ways. This is why I landed on teaching as a career, and I feel like it will be the career of choice for me as my life moves on.

The real challenge, for me especially, is to stop letting time move around me, and instead start moving with it.

Welcome

Hello folks! Welcome to the very first post of my new blog, Experience Points.

First of all, a bit about myself: My name is Nicholas Kory, I'm a 25 year-old aspiring writer/teacher who is returning to college to finish my teaching degree. I am also working full time in retail, as well as attempting to self-publish my first book on tabletop role-playing. Between these endeavors, in my spare time I try to cultivate multiple friendships and remain a relevant and positive member of all of my social networks.

This blog will follow my pursuit of my career, both as a teacher and as a writer, and will help to serve as a collection of my plans, thoughts, motivations, pitfalls and epiphanies that I am sure to face as I move steadily forward towards those goals. I will share what I have learned, what I am learning, and what I hope to learn in the future. The posts in this blog will serve as benchmarks in my road, a permanent record of where I've been and where I am going. Hence the blog's title.

It is my humble goal to update this blog on a weekly basis, at the very least. However, it may not be out of the realm of possibility to see more frequent updates, depending upon my schedule and the necessity of me to get these thoughts down.

I hope that those of you who take the time to read my posts will find them to be enlightening, entertaining, or thought-provoking to some degree. I feel as if a new chapter in my life is starting as I close in on the goals I have set for myself, and I am excited to share this chapter with all of those who are willing to listen.