Writing Warm-Up: Sad Face, Lock & Bridge

Writing Session Warm-Up with Rory's Story Cubes

The time has come for me to do some more writing in my serialized fiction, and that means doing a warm-up to get the creative gears turning. I've decided to utilize my Rory's Story Cubes, recently purchased and yet to see official use, to create a basic outline for a story I may or may not write sometime in the future.

In this particular case, I've rolled three of the story cubes, and I will use those three cubes to come up with a simple outline for a potential piece of fiction.

Summer Resolution

You know, I should just do away with my proposed blogging schedule. I'm not sticking to it at all.

Anywho...

I went on another late-night walk a few days ago, before this bout of rain and wind hit central Minnesota. I actually left my headphones at home, for once, to allow myself time to really think, rather than drowning out my thoughts with music.

I realized that, as is my norm around this time of year, I was becoming quite restless. Desires and drives were building up in me, causing my satisfaction to dip and my lamentations to rise. I saw time as something slipping away from me, as days wasted and relationships waning, and there was little I could do to reverse any of it. I wanted to call people and talk to people for no reason other than to do it. I wanted to play my drum outside again. I wanted to go on a road trip. I wanted to turn my life on its head, make decisions before I had time to think about them, and live my life, even if only for a short while, on the edge of my seat.

Sitting back and thinking about it all now, I feel that it isn't so much that I want to shake my life up with some random event or some big decision. Lord knows big changes are coming soon enough, anyway. Rather, I want to ensure that I feel good about how I spend my time overall. And the one way for me to feel good about my time, hands down beyond any doubt, is to spend it with people I care about, friends and family.

And so that is my "Summer Resolution." Consider it an expansion to my New Years Resolution (which was to be a better friend, brother, uncle and son, for anybody keeping count). For this summer, I am making it my goal to create more memories, take more pictures and do more with other people.
So if you're reading this and you know me personally, hold me to it. I've been known to hit stretches of complacency, times where I'm content just sitting at home doing next to nothing, and then I always regret those times later. I want to limit those times as much as possible this year, and again, if you know me personally, I want to be with YOU more this summer.

Now to get back to work on Round 10...

You Can't Take Everything (or Everyone) With You...

This is primarily going to be one of my sappy, self-reflective posts, so please bear with me.

As most of you are aware, this week marked the end of the semester for me. Monday was the official last day of class, and Wednesday was the first of my two days of finals. I found I was struck with a stronger pang of grief than I originally expected. I've grown somewhat close (which for me means that I've shared a lot of laughs and some minor extracirricular activities) with a handful of people, including the majority of my Acting class.

I've talked about how I connect with people in previous posts, but allow me to go over this again. Years ago, I used to be free with my happiness and optimism, and I used to approach everyone as if they could be a life-changing friend for me. I poured everything into friendships and I tried to do everything in my power for those people. It didn't matter if we shared a brief, friendly conversation or if we hung out consistently for multiple months, I probably considered you a close friend.

Then I had a period where this openness and willingness to connect so freely with people came back to bite me, and it ended up hurting me. So I backed off, and kept people at arms' length. Sure, I didn't let other people hurt me during this time, but I was hurting myself, stifling my extroverted self and forcing a more introverted lifestyle. It was difficult at first, but it got easier as time went on, and eventually it became all I knew.

Yet, in the last two years now, I've really been working on getting back my old self, the self that I was years ago. I wanted to be the Nick that people wanted to be around again. I wanted people to enjoy their time with me, and I wanted people to know how much they mean to me. I have had a few friendships and relationships these past two years that have been instrumental in making this transition, yet a week such as this proves to me that things won't always be easy.

We finished our last performances in Acting class, and I lingered for a moment or two, but ended up leaving quite quickly, quite abruptly, with very little said to anyone other than a couple of passing goodbyes. I got halfway down the hall to the exit, and I stopped myself. I turned back around, went back to the theater, and made up some excuse in my head of a question that I had to ask the instructor as the real reason for my return.

Unfortunately, when I arrived again, most of the other students had gone, and I had missed my opportunity to give a more suitable farewell. Now, I found, I felt even worse.

This seems such an elementary thing for me, but now all that is rolling around in my head is the fear that I may never see some of these people again. That is a reality I'm going to have to face, but it's not one I'm proud of accelerating.

As I have been saying, time and again, I am moving forward. Forward with my life, forward with my career, forward with my creativity and forward with my relationships. Unfortunately, the other side of that positive coin is the fact that as I move forward, I am forced to face the realization that I can't take everything with me, that I can try to stay in touch with as many as possible, but I will lose contact with most of them, and it kills me.

It kills me because I think of the people who I was once close to that I don't hear from, or don't reach out to, much any more. People who I keep telling myself I need to call, need to contact, but I either don't or can't.

This Friday is my last final, in Public Speaking, a class in which I have made some simple connections with a few people, though not as major of connections and with not as many people as I would prefer (mainly because other than one or two moments, I didn't put much effort into it, probably out of a fear of the inevitable future). I think I will do what I can to offer a bit more of a satisfying goodbye to these people, something I may segue into my requesting they see the play that I will be in this summer.

I am a better friend than I have been this last week or so, I know it. I just have to act like it.

The Life of an Otter

Today I found I was far more stressed than I originally wanted to admit to myself, something I realized as I let the hot water of the morning shower pour over me. And, I found, as my morning went on, my stress only increased.

I had a research paper due on Monday, and I came to realize that the shape of my schedule from Friday morning through Sunday evening wasn't one to allow for much room to research, organize, write and revise said paper. On top of that I needed to begin preparing for my final speech, I needed to read through the scene my acting partner and I had landed on, and I came to realize that I was falling behind in my RPG writing, my blogging, and that the end of the semester was right around the corner, having snuck up on me with incredible speed.

These thoughts and more crowded my mind, and put me in a sour mood to start the day off. I don't like to toot my own horn, but I like the entertain the notion that I am not one to get easily stressed. I tend to take things as they come, a skill I've been working for the past few years, and it takes a bit before I start to lose sleep.

Luckily, though, two of my friends came forward to help ease my stress, through consistent joking, light-hearted shenanigans, and offering scheduling advice. What looked like a catastrophic mess of a weekend soon became a manageable situation, and I was beginning to mitigate my stress, all thanks to two of the most wonderful people I've had the pleasure of getting to know these past few months.

During speech class today, one of the students spoke about personality profiles, and outlined three basic personalities as described by animals. The lion, the otter, the beaver and the golden retriever. I recognized the person I used to be (the beaver), the person I wanted to be (the golden retriever) and the person I currently was (the otter) in her descriptions. One quality about the otter that stood out to me was that, as she claimed, "an otter will call anyone that they interact with at least two times their 'close friend'."

I saw that in myself right away. It's true, if we hang out together only a couple of times, if I have two different conversations with you that both seem to go relatively well, I often consider you a close friend. That label in no way diminishes the quality of those friendships I've shared for many years, it only helps define the lengths I'm willing to go to in order to 1.) get to know you better, and 2.) maintain our friendship. While I can't be 100% certain in this self-assessment, I feel that I get along well with most people, and unless our personalities clash in a particularly blatant way, I can often see myself becoming good friends with just about anybody.

Whether I've been going to your house since my early years in elementary school, or we just met this semester in one of my classes, or you're the friend of a friend who has hung out with me once or twice, or we've merely shared a place of employment for about a month or so, it is very likely that I see you as a friend, and I see the potential of a greater friendship there. When it comes to relationships, I tend to jump in feet first, plunge myself in whole-heartedly, and then see where it goes from there. Unfortunately, this means that I cannot get to know everyone as well as I'd like to, much to my dismay. Yet I do what I can for my friends and family, whether it's offering counsel via a message or phone call, showing encouragement over their chosen form of artistic expression, or simply sharing a few amusing stories and listening to how they're doing.

However, no matter how far I'm pushing in a relationship, I always feel I can push a little further. Am I overextending myself? Am I wasting my energy on too many relationships, exhausting myself emotionally, and will I only be met with disappointment? I will admit that sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes I feel like I'm giving too much or coming across too strong, but then I have evenings like I did on Thursday, or mornings like today, and I realize that for me to do any less would be a dishonest, dissatisfying use of my energy. It is my ultimate wish to experience as many people's stories as I can, to interact with as many people as possible, and to create and share memories everywhere. And boy do I have a long way to go as I bring that wish into reality.

Literary Burp: Personality & Purpose

The following post is a thought or musing of mine that I just wanted to get recorded. These sort of thoughts filter in and out of my head constantly, and I'm of the mindset that if I don't acknowledge their existence, then I may as well have never had them in the first place. And every thought deserves its due attention, even if its a random one such as this.

When growing up I had a very different experience. I'm the youngest of four, and primarily grew up with my sister, as my other two siblings were considerably older and thus occupied a different lifestyle than I did. When they were listening to music and driving vehicles I was playing with Legos and acting like a dinosaur. Growing up, I've always seen how different I was than the rest of my family. I had an unashamed, unbridled and unquenchable thirst for the unknown. Concepts like outer space, the ocean, trackless desert and the deepest recesses of nature were all notions that held great sway with me. These were places that people only talked about or wrote about, but didn't go to. These were 'true' places, untouched by the hand of man and operating without his interference. These ideas, even if I didn't know how to articulate them at the time, intrigued me beyond compare, and were manifested in my love of such things as dinosaurs, Star Wars, the Marvel superheroes and other fantastic stories.

This passion for finding the amazing in what others rarely even thought about set me apart, at least in my eyes, from a lot of people I knew growing up. For all of my head-in-the-clouds, fantasizing and day-dreaming antics, my father was at least that engulfed in practicality. He showed a love of old comics and stories from his youth, but he is a man of concrete facts, of a world that's written in black and white and runs by the word of God and the letter of the law. Where he would try to determine 'why,' I would only muse 'why not?' As I grew up I found that I inherited his unshaking resolution in the truth of the world, in the presence of God, and in the important role religion plays in our lives. Yet I wasn't about to let this 'certainty' of faith, morality, and the way of the world limit my desire to seek the unknown, to continue to walk down paths others dismiss as fantastical, and to continue to keep my head in those beautiful clouds.

What is this post all about? I don't really know. I started out with one thing in mind, but it as changed in these few paragraphs. I guess it is an introspective analysis of myself. If there is one thing I do, and frequently, it's question why I think the way I do, why I feel the way I do, and why I act the way I do. I still feel like I am still learning who I am, and I feel like the only way I will ever truly learn about the world around me is to first understand that there is much I don't know, even about myself.

We all search for the concrete answers in life, or we think we have found them, or we plant them for ourselves to find. We rarely question them, some of us never do, and we are happy knowing that the sky is blue, the sun will rise, and tomorrow will always follow today. But not me. I'm not content with merely accepting the world, or my existence in it, at face value. I am here for a purpose, as is everyone, and I will never learn what that is unless I leave my mind open, unless I accept the fact that the concept of 'truth' is a human concept, and that I will only, in my entire life, learn a mere fraction of what is considered as truth. In short, there is much more going on in existence than I can ever hope to experience, to learn, to know.

Three Little Monologues

For my Acting class on Monday, I have to have a monologue picked out and ready to perform a first draft on. I've narrowed it down from nine possible monologues to three, though I'm having trouble deciding on one, so I figured I'd post on here and get some feedback from you all.

This first monologue is from the play The House on Lake Desolation, and is probably my favorite of the three, although it runs a full three and a half minutes longer than what we were supposed to go with.

This second monologue is from the play Before it Hits Home, and is perfect on timing. It's tied for second in my personal preference.

This third and final monologue is from the play Slavs!, and is a lot of fun to perform. It's slightly longer than the time limit, and is tied for second in my personal preference.

So watch what you'd like, let me know if you have a preference! I'm reading the script for each of these during the recordings, so this isn't me at my best performance.